Dr. Charles W. Ferguson

Like many people in our society, I have grown extremely weary of the constant barrage of commentary regarding separatist ideology. The public discourse has become so easily toxic that my mind can not conceptualize the last time I heard anyone have a civil dialogue about anything. The wave of discontent and discord has led me to believe that human beings are not participating in any sort of evolution or growth. As a matter of fact, I believe people are beginning to discover that their level of depth in conversation, rationalization, and discernment has fallen behind the brain development of a gnat.

While I enjoy laughing at memes, jokes, and content worthy of a belly laugh, my physical insides of became affected the parasitic nature of anger, divisiveness, and arrogance demonstrated by people who claim moral superiority. I have become downright tired and exhausted by everyone who demonstrates some unnecessary level outrage. Most importantly, I am tired of the fake outrage of people who just want something to be angry about.

Would you all please SHUT……UP……RIGHT……NOW!!!!!!!!

Social media has made so many people brave enough to express their opinions on subject matter that they have never attempted to bring nuance to the subjects once. Most people are not immersed in trying to work through the difficulty of subjects that are not favorable. More importantly, people are attempting to constantly bring black and white to areas of thought and consideration that are constantly gray.

We are in the midst of a concept I will call the Heart vs. the Institution.

The Heart is comprised of the essence of what a movement or expectation should exhibit. For example, the Church is supposed to the Body of Christ–a living organism. The Body of Christ is supposed to understand, feel, embrace, and ignite transformation that stems from the heavens of a loving and benevolent God.

The Institution takes the narrative of the Heart and fits it into a box that causes limitation and cuts off access to the whole truth and narrative of the Heart. For example, the Institution called the Church will take the favorable parts of Body of Christ and fashion it into a dogma that will create hoops to attain favor, but it will not grant you the access to the grace needed in troubled times.

I am angry because individuals are content with being institutionalized. The world has made the point to tell others to choose sides over doing what is right. The concept is not a political issue. It is not a “rep your set”, gang-affiliation reality. We are living in times that people have decided to sell out to the highest bidder. We living in a world that social media is now the hub for fake outrage. We live in a culture that is willing to constantly cancel while hoping for restoration for selfish reasons.

Do you want to know why I am angry as hell? I am tired of free thinking, moral agents of the world, created in the Imago Dei (image of God) selling out their birthright of for a bowl of BS. If you can’t begin to understand why the perceived value of the human experience has been reduced, you are probably hoping that it continues to drop in order to promote the constant nonsense.

I am tired of fake outrage. I am tired of self-serving. I am tired. I am angry. I am fed up. This mess has got to stop. But how?

We must find a way back to being revolutionary. We must rediscover that being countercultural is necessary in exposing the true ills of our societal context. We must refuse to accept supremacist ideology as a construct of normalcy. We must expect better from ourselves as a community. We can not wait on others to fix what we have the capacity to fix.

I am not looking to fight against people that want to always prove that their ideology is correct. I am not getting into debates with individuals with the depth of a kiddie pool. I refuse to engage in the nonsensical debates of people with the visual perception of sheep. We must finally arrive at a moment that walking out the principles of Jesus Christ without limits will  transform the hurting, maligned, and forgotten. It is time to live in a way that justice will run like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

We must no longer accept the pretense that others get to set the parameters around our individual and collective narratives. I am a Black man. I am a follower of the religion of Jesus Christ (Howard Thurman reference; look it up). I am not explaining to people why I hate systematic disenfranchisement (read the millions of books on it). I despise people who co-op a brown, Israeli Jesus into a theology of white supremacy (that ain’t my Christ). I am a child of the living God that wants to see and witness the genuine transformation of the hearts and souls of all.

And if it means flipping tables, Jesus set the precedent for my righteous anger!

In light of recent events, I felt it was necessary to run this previous post one more time. People must stop treating mental health, suicide, etc as issues of quitting and no faith. It will take mature people to address an issue that affects many people everywhere. This is my testimony….

The most difficult thing a person can do is reflect on moments that were not the best. It causes us to have to get honest about the reality of our strengths, weaknesses, failings, triumphs, and lessons. I have to admit that years ago my theology informed me that the best way to handle mental and emotional hurt was through diligence and suppression.

For years, the culture around never supported the idea of working through my emotional baggage and pain. “Fake it until you make it”. “You will always be leading while bleeding”. “Depression is a demon”. I learn over time that my life, behavior, struggles, and challenges were finally becoming way to big to handle alone. While waiting on God to rescue me from my pain with a touch, a word, or an instant moment, the weight increased. I couldn’t take anymore.

While I was living in Springfield, IL, I experienced so many changes in my life. I was serving in a church that had extreme potential. I was a new father and trying to grow as a husband. Yet, I was finding myself at moments feeling the walls closing in. I kept hearing people grumble about everything. I watched people criticize my wife for not being the “typical First Lady”. Every move I made was judged. My desire to serve God in a unique way was called trash.

I was in a complete funk. I was preaching through it. I was teaching through it. I gained a doctorate through it. However, I had no outlet. I had no one to trust outside of my wife. She was going through so much hurt and anger that I felt I couldn’t tell her I was dying inside. I was trying to reach out to anyone that would listen, but no one would hear me.

I became more and more isolated. Who wanted to hear my problems? Who wanted to be concerned with my feelings? It was a waste of time to tell people that cared about me that I was tired and hurting. All I heard in my head was, “you are going to be fine; you are being to dramatic; you don’t have enough faith.” I kept believing that the lies. I kept seeing the truth of others. I saw people who looked my family in the eye and said they would look out for me, run me down in public.

My wife was right, “Jesus died for the people you don’t have to.” Yet, I was ready to go because I felt like the worst type of failure. I wasn’t accomplishing the mission that God planted in me. I was not being a good husband. I tried to lean on others rather than my partner in life. I was not being a good father. I was not giving my all to CJ. I was giving leftovers.

My desire to make everyone come together caused me to deny my uniqueness, divinity, and purpose. I began to subject my surroundings to a false view of who I thought I was supposed to be. I was trying to be this stereotypical pastor. I was trying to hold on for dear life to maintain. I was dying.

One Tuesday afternoon at the dining room table, I sat at the head of the table with a pen and paper. I was hearing the thoughts in my head. “Now I got you. I didn’t get you at 14. I didn’t get you at 30. Oh, but you won’t get through this. You are going to lose it all anyway. You are better off dead.” So I began to write. I was going to tell Myrissa that I was sorry for how I failed as a man. I was going to tell her that I was better off to her in a box. I was going to tell CJ that I loved him enough to not be around as a broken man. I never wanted my son to ever see his hero with kryptonite.

Something in me really didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to die. However, I felt that it was the only option. The fight was on. My last ditch effort was calling anyone to convince me not to give up. I ran down my list of close brothers. It’s only a few. I just called until I ran out of options. I called. I left messages. Nobody was picking up. There I sat. Trying to figure out how to end everything without making a mess. I wanted to found at least peaceful. Then the phone rang….

Jonathan picked up the phone. He listened to the voicemail. He called. He didn’t give me a speech about me going to hell for the thoughts of suicide. He didn’t call me demon possessed for being depressed. My brother let me pour out my soul. I never got the opportunity to ever have a no judgment zone to pour out my anguish. In that moment, my world stopped and depression and suicide had to retreat.

When Myrissa came home and saw me on the side of the bed, I couldn’t form my words to tell her what transpired while she and the baby were away from me. She then saw the letter that I left on the table. She wept uncontrollably. She sat with me and made sure that I got the help I needed to reset. My pain became real. It was now at the forefront. Even though my life did not end that day, I did die.

For the first time in my life, I had to choose. Was I going to live for the first time ever, or would I continue to let the walls close in without a real chance for healing? It was time to live. It was time to change the structure of my existence. I needed to finally assess my circle. I needed to prioritize and finally live the abundant life God promised me. I could no longer subscribe to the theology of the anointed but rejecting help. I could no longer align myself with individuals that perceived weakness in confessing mental and emotional health challenges. It was time to have Jesus “spit on my eyes” and give me a second touch.

This defining moment is the reason why I have completely changed my approach to ministry and life. I can no longer engage in conversation with people that reduce God’s movement of healing and deliverance to one method. I cannot take people serious who have a theology that passes the issues of people to a hotline. I cannot embrace a thought pattern that is willing to crucify pastors, leaders, and parishioners in parking lots through gossip, yet attempt to absolve their willing role in the assassination of character and personality.

The game has changed. I am living in a way that I never have before. The moment I “got my life”, I finally was able to begin processing my emotions, my challenges, my baggage. I realize that I was living for too many entities and not for the people and God who loved me best. I have detached from people who have meant me nothing but harm. I have recognized the people that were good to me as long as the blessing train flowed. I saw the people that only cared enough to call or reach me when they needed me.

I know clearly more than ever that being known does not mean everyone cares. I no longer bleed in public. I recognize that this season of my life is to use my witness and story as an opportunity to tell others a few facts. God made you special for this time in life. You have a destiny and a purpose. Everyone can’t go with you. Everyone is not meant to embrace you.

However, you are the most important vessel to your world. If you are not well, you can’t help anyone. If you cannot experience grace that God offers, you will not witness healing that you may need. God is ready to deliver and give you life, but you can receive it from counseling, safe spaces,, and healthy outlets. You are necessary even when life tries to tell you otherwise.

Take it from me. I still cry thinking about how close I was to others who completed the work of ending their lives. I do not judge them. I understand all too well. I recognize the pressure. I believe that the burden was heavier than could be imagined. So, I share with you today this final thought. If you have any idea that anyone you love is struggling, don’t give them a number to call. Do not dismiss their pain as just an emotional response. Listen. Hear. Embrace. Love on them. You might be the conduit to a resurrection.

My Prayer

God help me to reach the one. God use me as a conduit to help others truly live. Help me to affirm the humanity of my brother and sister in joy and struggle. Help me see them for who they are and not what life attempts to tell them. God help me to share every element of your healing that you offer. Amen

One of the great challenges of my life is asking for help. I remember my mother always telling me, “If you don’t know something, ask someone to help you.” I was always determined to find a way to get the answer or solution before submitting that I was incapable of processing the moment.

The resistance to help was not always existent. I was not a person that wanted to have all the answers. I remember a moment when I wanted help, but I was told that I should already now how to do it. I know of times people who said they would be present decided that it was not worth the time. Yet somewhere in the mix, I was supposed to rest, relax, and trust that help would be there.

Ladies and gentlemen, the reality is that people are fallible. It is difficult for any human being to meet the expectations of others. At the same time, humanity has developed such a “me first” mentality that we are not demonstrating the ability to be of help to others. Help is essential to every person in the human race.

I don’t care what anyone believes. Everyone needs someone. No one can go through this journey of life alone. We all need to learn how to be the best version of ourselves while offering the grace all of us need to make it through from day to day. Let me offer a few steps to take along the way.

1.  Function in Grace: The concept of grace is a free gift to people who do not always deserve it. The beauty and power of grace is seen when people like us apply to the lives of those who need it the most. Every person is not going to have a banner day. Heck, I just told my congregations that I was at a breaking point when it came to mental and emotional fatigue. I refuse to deal with people according to my feelings alone, when I am certain that at some point a person is possibly having the day from hell. Jesus offered grace freely in my worst state. I am mandated by that free gift to offer the same to those who need it. Grace is transformative and loving.
2. Show Real Love: When encountering people going through moments of indecision, strife, calamity, or trouble, do not bow out by saying that they should know better or be capable of “xyz”. Examine the entire landscape. Love people through the hard moments. See if they need a hug, encouragement, or direction. Love in action is not just a few words from your mouth. Love in action is your ability to be an answer to someone’s prayer. It is having the capacity to share in a tangible sense that all will be well.
3.  Be Prayerful: Do you know what is more valuable than money? Your presence in God’s presence. What do you mean? I mean someone who stays connected to God has the mind to know how to be present in someone’s life when it is absolutely necessary. Many people want to be in proximity to your person, situation, or circumstances. Few people want to be prayerful and be led by God to bring positive impact. When one is connecting through a praying posture (mental, emotional, spiritual), it is easy to see the path needed to aid and be present with anyone who needs help. It lessens the burden of making assumptions about what to do. You will have the right insight into how to be a blessing to someone’s life.

Let us all learn to be more helpful……