Dr. Charles W. Ferguson

In light of recent events, I felt it was necessary to run this previous post one more time. People must stop treating mental health, suicide, etc as issues of quitting and no faith. It will take mature people to address an issue that affects many people everywhere. This is my testimony….

The most difficult thing a person can do is reflect on moments that were not the best. It causes us to have to get honest about the reality of our strengths, weaknesses, failings, triumphs, and lessons. I have to admit that years ago my theology informed me that the best way to handle mental and emotional hurt was through diligence and suppression.

For years, the culture around never supported the idea of working through my emotional baggage and pain. “Fake it until you make it”. “You will always be leading while bleeding”. “Depression is a demon”. I learn over time that my life, behavior, struggles, and challenges were finally becoming way to big to handle alone. While waiting on God to rescue me from my pain with a touch, a word, or an instant moment, the weight increased. I couldn’t take anymore.

While I was living in Springfield, IL, I experienced so many changes in my life. I was serving in a church that had extreme potential. I was a new father and trying to grow as a husband. Yet, I was finding myself at moments feeling the walls closing in. I kept hearing people grumble about everything. I watched people criticize my wife for not being the “typical First Lady”. Every move I made was judged. My desire to serve God in a unique way was called trash.

I was in a complete funk. I was preaching through it. I was teaching through it. I gained a doctorate through it. However, I had no outlet. I had no one to trust outside of my wife. She was going through so much hurt and anger that I felt I couldn’t tell her I was dying inside. I was trying to reach out to anyone that would listen, but no one would hear me.

I became more and more isolated. Who wanted to hear my problems? Who wanted to be concerned with my feelings? It was a waste of time to tell people that cared about me that I was tired and hurting. All I heard in my head was, “you are going to be fine; you are being to dramatic; you don’t have enough faith.” I kept believing that the lies. I kept seeing the truth of others. I saw people who looked my family in the eye and said they would look out for me, run me down in public.

My wife was right, “Jesus died for the people you don’t have to.” Yet, I was ready to go because I felt like the worst type of failure. I wasn’t accomplishing the mission that God planted in me. I was not being a good husband. I tried to lean on others rather than my partner in life. I was not being a good father. I was not giving my all to CJ. I was giving leftovers.

My desire to make everyone come together caused me to deny my uniqueness, divinity, and purpose. I began to subject my surroundings to a false view of who I thought I was supposed to be. I was trying to be this stereotypical pastor. I was trying to hold on for dear life to maintain. I was dying.

One Tuesday afternoon at the dining room table, I sat at the head of the table with a pen and paper. I was hearing the thoughts in my head. “Now I got you. I didn’t get you at 14. I didn’t get you at 30. Oh, but you won’t get through this. You are going to lose it all anyway. You are better off dead.” So I began to write. I was going to tell Myrissa that I was sorry for how I failed as a man. I was going to tell her that I was better off to her in a box. I was going to tell CJ that I loved him enough to not be around as a broken man. I never wanted my son to ever see his hero with kryptonite.

Something in me really didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to die. However, I felt that it was the only option. The fight was on. My last ditch effort was calling anyone to convince me not to give up. I ran down my list of close brothers. It’s only a few. I just called until I ran out of options. I called. I left messages. Nobody was picking up. There I sat. Trying to figure out how to end everything without making a mess. I wanted to found at least peaceful. Then the phone rang….

Jonathan picked up the phone. He listened to the voicemail. He called. He didn’t give me a speech about me going to hell for the thoughts of suicide. He didn’t call me demon possessed for being depressed. My brother let me pour out my soul. I never got the opportunity to ever have a no judgment zone to pour out my anguish. In that moment, my world stopped and depression and suicide had to retreat.

When Myrissa came home and saw me on the side of the bed, I couldn’t form my words to tell her what transpired while she and the baby were away from me. She then saw the letter that I left on the table. She wept uncontrollably. She sat with me and made sure that I got the help I needed to reset. My pain became real. It was now at the forefront. Even though my life did not end that day, I did die.

For the first time in my life, I had to choose. Was I going to live for the first time ever, or would I continue to let the walls close in without a real chance for healing? It was time to live. It was time to change the structure of my existence. I needed to finally assess my circle. I needed to prioritize and finally live the abundant life God promised me. I could no longer subscribe to the theology of the anointed but rejecting help. I could no longer align myself with individuals that perceived weakness in confessing mental and emotional health challenges. It was time to have Jesus “spit on my eyes” and give me a second touch.

This defining moment is the reason why I have completely changed my approach to ministry and life. I can no longer engage in conversation with people that reduce God’s movement of healing and deliverance to one method. I cannot take people serious who have a theology that passes the issues of people to a hotline. I cannot embrace a thought pattern that is willing to crucify pastors, leaders, and parishioners in parking lots through gossip, yet attempt to absolve their willing role in the assassination of character and personality.

The game has changed. I am living in a way that I never have before. The moment I “got my life”, I finally was able to begin processing my emotions, my challenges, my baggage. I realize that I was living for too many entities and not for the people and God who loved me best. I have detached from people who have meant me nothing but harm. I have recognized the people that were good to me as long as the blessing train flowed. I saw the people that only cared enough to call or reach me when they needed me.

I know clearly more than ever that being known does not mean everyone cares. I no longer bleed in public. I recognize that this season of my life is to use my witness and story as an opportunity to tell others a few facts. God made you special for this time in life. You have a destiny and a purpose. Everyone can’t go with you. Everyone is not meant to embrace you.

However, you are the most important vessel to your world. If you are not well, you can’t help anyone. If you cannot experience grace that God offers, you will not witness healing that you may need. God is ready to deliver and give you life, but you can receive it from counseling, safe spaces,, and healthy outlets. You are necessary even when life tries to tell you otherwise.

Take it from me. I still cry thinking about how close I was to others who completed the work of ending their lives. I do not judge them. I understand all too well. I recognize the pressure. I believe that the burden was heavier than could be imagined. So, I share with you today this final thought. If you have any idea that anyone you love is struggling, don’t give them a number to call. Do not dismiss their pain as just an emotional response. Listen. Hear. Embrace. Love on them. You might be the conduit to a resurrection.

My Prayer

God help me to reach the one. God use me as a conduit to help others truly live. Help me to affirm the humanity of my brother and sister in joy and struggle. Help me see them for who they are and not what life attempts to tell them. God help me to share every element of your healing that you offer. Amen

One of the great challenges of my life is asking for help. I remember my mother always telling me, “If you don’t know something, ask someone to help you.” I was always determined to find a way to get the answer or solution before submitting that I was incapable of processing the moment.

The resistance to help was not always existent. I was not a person that wanted to have all the answers. I remember a moment when I wanted help, but I was told that I should already now how to do it. I know of times people who said they would be present decided that it was not worth the time. Yet somewhere in the mix, I was supposed to rest, relax, and trust that help would be there.

Ladies and gentlemen, the reality is that people are fallible. It is difficult for any human being to meet the expectations of others. At the same time, humanity has developed such a “me first” mentality that we are not demonstrating the ability to be of help to others. Help is essential to every person in the human race.

I don’t care what anyone believes. Everyone needs someone. No one can go through this journey of life alone. We all need to learn how to be the best version of ourselves while offering the grace all of us need to make it through from day to day. Let me offer a few steps to take along the way.

1.  Function in Grace: The concept of grace is a free gift to people who do not always deserve it. The beauty and power of grace is seen when people like us apply to the lives of those who need it the most. Every person is not going to have a banner day. Heck, I just told my congregations that I was at a breaking point when it came to mental and emotional fatigue. I refuse to deal with people according to my feelings alone, when I am certain that at some point a person is possibly having the day from hell. Jesus offered grace freely in my worst state. I am mandated by that free gift to offer the same to those who need it. Grace is transformative and loving.
2. Show Real Love: When encountering people going through moments of indecision, strife, calamity, or trouble, do not bow out by saying that they should know better or be capable of “xyz”. Examine the entire landscape. Love people through the hard moments. See if they need a hug, encouragement, or direction. Love in action is not just a few words from your mouth. Love in action is your ability to be an answer to someone’s prayer. It is having the capacity to share in a tangible sense that all will be well.
3.  Be Prayerful: Do you know what is more valuable than money? Your presence in God’s presence. What do you mean? I mean someone who stays connected to God has the mind to know how to be present in someone’s life when it is absolutely necessary. Many people want to be in proximity to your person, situation, or circumstances. Few people want to be prayerful and be led by God to bring positive impact. When one is connecting through a praying posture (mental, emotional, spiritual), it is easy to see the path needed to aid and be present with anyone who needs help. It lessens the burden of making assumptions about what to do. You will have the right insight into how to be a blessing to someone’s life.

Let us all learn to be more helpful……

It’s been a long time…shouldn’t left you without dope rhyme to step to…excuse my bad attempt at dropping bars. However, I have been away from the blog too long.

It is difficult to write when your mind is constantly consumed with information, negativity, stress, and strife. It is even more challenging when you read and watch people document about injustice and ignorance on every possible subject. It gets to be extremely tiresome and redundant.

Yet, I am convinced that one of my most important purposes in writing is to uncover and unpack different issues that matter to my place in society. It just so happens that my world possess some interesting intersections. One of those crossroads happen to be my blackness and my faith.

Recently, Serena Williams addressed criticism and critique from former tennis player Billie Jean King. When asked after her Wimbledon finals loss about King’s “suggestion” to focus more on her game than other efforts, Serena suggested that those efforts in gender equality, concerns with in the African American community, and motherhood are ingrained into her purpose. She had no worries about her game.

However, that particular part of an interview did not strike has hard as another quote that capsulized her journey in the sport of tennis and for many others the journey of those in other areas of life.

After the her loss at the US Open to Naomi Osaka, the focus was placed on how she handled officiating during the match. She wrote about how she apologized for what was a moment stolen from her opponent who played the match of her life.

Serena placed her feelings of that moment in time into a powerful context. “I felt defeated and disrespected by a sport that I love, one that I had dedicated my life to and that my family truly changed, not because we were welcomed, but because we wouldn’t stop winning.”—Serena Williams

In the world of Christendom, we are facing the difficult challenge of understanding how anyone can feel or be rejected by a Christ that was accessible and free to all who would receive him. It has been beyond me to try and figure out how anyone could create a faith or theology the vilifies those genuinely desiring to be connected to God.

Then I read this quote and had to take a step back and think. How did my faith get here? Why is the Jesus I serve being marketed like Pootie Tang after signing his image rights to Lecter Corp? (Yes, it is an obscure movie reference from a cult classic entitled Pootie Tang. Watch for mindless entertainment!) Why is Christ the object of a supremacist ideology and theology?

I am constantly amazed at the lack of ability of people to look at the message of the Gospel with dexterity. How is it possible to have the mentality of keeping people out when you are historically welcomed in? How can you claim compassion when posing with people locked in cages? How can you change history by claiming a place that wasn’t occupied when the place was occupied? How can you leave a place for religious freedom yet carry colonialism with you? It doesn’t add up.

How can you whitewash the Gospel for selfish benefit?

For years, I have watched as supremacist ideology, elitist attitudes, and platform propaganda has taken over the culture of churches everywhere. Many people do not realize that much of their experiences dictate how they view and understand their faith. It is difficult for anyone to view their faith through a servant lens when everything has been handed to them.

How does a person with no systematic hindrances effectively help those who are victims of a lack of equality and equity? How can you be benevolent when you believe that you did everything for yourself?

Many of us have bought into these mentalities. Due to that mindset, we constant neglect things that Jesus said that help us to treat people better day by day. Heck, we forget information in the Old Testament that can inform how to engage one another.

Consider:

“Likewise, when a foreigner, who is not of your people Israel, comes from a far country for the sake of your great name and your mighty hand and your outstretched arm, when he comes and prays toward this house, hear from heaven your dwelling place and do according to all for which the foreigner calls to you, in order that all the peoples of the earth may know your name and fear you, as do your people Israel, and that they may know that this house that I have built is called by your name.-2 Chronicles 6:32-34, ESV

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.–Matthew 5:2-12, ESV

So the Jews said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to take up your bed.” But he answered them, “The man who healed me, that man said to me, ‘Take up your bed, and walk.’” They asked him, “Who is the man who said to you, ‘Take up your bed and walk’?” Now the man who had been healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, as there was a crowd in the place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple and said to him, “See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.” The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had healed him. And this was why the Jews were persecuting Jesus, because he was doing these things on the Sabbath. But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I am working.”–John 5:10-17, ESV

These are a few scriptures that I know people from different perspectives will find a way to bend toward a platform. Yet, you can’t deny we are challenged to find a way to demonstrate the heat t of the message. I believe that people have the full capacity to do so. However, it would challenge the notion that many of us may or may not have a genuine relationship with God.

What must we consider when navigating the issues of faith and practice.

1. We don’t own the narrative. We are created in the image and likeness of God. Yet, somehow we have found a way to manipulate the precepts to give ourselves relevance. Anything that disrupts our crafted world must be totally wrong. Anybody that does not fit our view of perfection is imperfect. When Solomon prayed regarding the dedication of the temple, he asked God to bless the foreigner that would come seeking out the presence of God. Solomon wanted all people to encounter the power and glory of Jehovah. The request was that God’s glory would not have a limited scope. Access to the totality of who God is provides the opportunity to witness vast the reach of love, peace, joy, freedom, and balance is provided. Anything less is divisive and demonic.

2. The concrete truth is to make us think and apply. Jesus speaks through in the Sermon on the Mount about what blessed people do and receive. In many instances, a positive thing returns a positive outlook. This specific thought gets me. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the (children) of God. Not much in our current climate compels me to think that many people are trying the route of peace. People want conditional everything but refuse to examine their role in causing peace to reign. Sometimes peace is not achieved by maintaining the status quo. It is achieved by causing fractured and broken systems to die that better can be achieved for all.

3. We are to find the spirit along with the truth. Jesus was challenged when healing on the sabbath a man who was lame for 38 years. The law teaches that nothing should happen on the Sabbath. Jesus brings to the minds of the detractors what does the Sabbath really mean. Jesus suggests that the shalom (wholeness) of God is not happening. Therefore, Sabbath is not happening either. When the Sabbath happened on the seventh day of creation, it was only after everything was stamped as “good”(complete). Nobody will experience true Sabbath while other areas of life are in shambles. So Jesus chooses to still work until it was achieved. The law is meaningless without recognition of the depth of the spirit’s revelation of the truth.

Take the time to see how to effectively apply the power of this Gospel for those who need a fresh move and experience with an unfiltered God.